Itz a hard decision...euthanasia

21/12, Thurs morning...mum suddenly brought up the subject of putting tung tung, my pet rabbit, to sleep. i was dumb founded; why did my mum suggest such idea to me?? explained to me that tung is really old and not only her tummy has growth in it, now at the left side of her neck, there is a very big lump too. and because of it, she is now limping to one side whenever she tries to walk or jump or hop around.

looking at her brings a tear to my eyes. she has been with me for the past 5 to 6 years. letting it go is such a hard decision for me. when i look at her, i know i gotta let her go cuz i do not want to let her suffer. compared with last time, she is much more less active nowadays. and when she looks at me, it is as if i could feel her pain. it is as if she's begging me to let her go too. but i just could not bring myself to make the decision. it is just too painful. what should i do? i know i shouldn't be so selfish to keep her with me and let her suffer...but i just couldnt bring myself to decide. i couldnt accept the idea of putting her to sleep. itz just like i'm sending her to the "death gate" with my own hands.

she looks so tired and old right now. unlike last time, she was so active she hopped around and nibbled on anything she could find be it newspapers, plastics bags, her own poo poo and pee pee or even offerings at the altar on the floor. at times, i was kinda angry cuz she was so destructive. but she looks just too cute i couldnt stay angry at her for more than a minute. but right now, my heart cries out every time she looks at me with her sorrowful eyes; as if pleading me to let her go.

how i wish she is now just as active and destructive as she used to be. that way i know she's still healthy and strong.